Guide Stars Lessons: build, better, me!

By Eddy Smith

You matter more. Believe it. If you’re reading this and you’re making an effort every day to be better than yesterday, it’s time to prioritise that agenda because it truly matters more. Sacrifice is often romanticised, threaded through beautiful novels and poetry as the ultimate expression of love and commitment. But the pace of modern life has pushed many of us into sacrificing so much that, without realising it, we compromise our health, our family life, and even our personal growth. We chase after accomplishments or ideals, neglecting the very foundation that allows us to thrive — ourselves. If you pause and take an honest audit of your life, you may find that the sacrifices you’ve made have come at a cost far greater than what you expected.

We buy into the collective belief that sacrifice is always noble, but at what point does it start to diminish who we are? I’m still trying to understand how we allow ourselves to go so far down the rabbit hole that we lose pieces of our identity, masking it under the guise of sacrifice. It’s as though the world praises those who can give everything, even at their own expense, but what we rarely talk about is how easily we can lose ourselves in the process. Sacrifice should not mean losing sight of who we are or what we need to flourish. It’s time we recognise that balance is essential — yes, there is beauty in giving, but there is also strength in knowing when to hold onto ourselves.

Imagine a young person who’s doing everything “right”. They’ve devoted themselves entirely to academic pursuits, pushing through sleepless nights, endless exams, and constant pressure, and they rise quickly in their chosen career. They climb the corporate ladder at breakneck speed, securing promotions and accolades along the way, proving their worth in an environment that rewards hustle. But beneath that shiny veneer of success, a much darker story is unfolding. Their social life withers away; Saturday nights out with friends, opportunities to date, and even moments of personal reflection are traded for late hours at the office. They’re so consumed by the grind that they’ve missed out on love, companionship, and the simple joy of connection.

Their body begins to bear the brunt of the sacrifices they’ve made. The weight of stress and poor habits starts to manifest as lifestyle diseases—high blood pressure creeps in, and obesity takes hold, the result of too many fast-food dinners eaten in front of a screen. Worse yet, their mental health is unravelling; they’re trapped in a rat race, constantly competing against colleagues in an environment that rewards cutthroat ambition. The relentless competition gnaws at them, leaving them mentally exhausted, anxious, and riddled with self-doubt. The very sacrifices they made to get ahead are now the chains that bind them, and without realising it, they’ve depleted their most valuable resource — themselves. The time has come for recalibration, to step back and realise that sacrifice doesn’t have to mean self-depletion. True balance lies in the wisdom to discern when to give and when to safeguard the very essence that keeps you whole.

Now is the time to take a step back and do something that many overlook, a personal audit. I encourage you to sit down and put pen to paper, not just mentally, but physically create a space where you can see the version of yourself you truly aspire to be. What would your life look like if you mastered balance? Visualise that person. Would they be healthier, both physically and mentally? Would they have richer relationships, perhaps the time and energy to cultivate a deeper connection with family, friends, or even a partner? Write it all down. Seeing this vision in the physical world, captured in your own handwriting, will help you believe it’s not just a dream — it’s attainable.

Once you’ve described that balanced, fulfilled version of yourself, make a plan. Write down exactly what steps you need to take to become that person, and give yourself deadlines, just as serious as the ones at work. This is your life, your most important project. What do you need to change? What habits should you build or break? And remind yourself daily of the consequences of continuing to put yourself last. Think about the impact it’s had on your health, your happiness, and your relationships, and then commit to loving yourself enough to change. More than just setting goals, this activity focuses on recognising your worth and taking deliberate steps toward the life you truly deserve. You are worthy of the same dedication and care you give to everything else. Now, it’s time to do things right, for you.

To close, I’ll offer you some ancient wisdom that has stood the test of time: “He who has conquered himself is greater than he who has conquered a thousand men in battle.” This powerful insight from the Dhammapada (a revered collection of Buddhist teachings) reminds us that the greatest victory is not in outward success, but in mastering our inner world. The message is clear: your greatest challenge is finding balance, peace, and self-respect within. In all your striving, remember that no accomplishment is more valuable than a life lived in harmony with yourself. True success begins when you conquer the impulse to neglect yourself for fleeting rewards and instead nurture your soul, body, and mind with care and love.

At the heart of this advice is love — real, unfiltered love for yourself. We often claim that we love ourselves, but do we really? Ask yourself some tough questions. Do you truly treat yourself with the kindness and respect that love demands? Or do you push yourself past your limits, neglect your well-being, and trade joy for stress in the name of success? If the answer is uncomfortable, it’s time to refocus. Fall in love with yourself again. Love is not just a feeling; it’s an action, a commitment to your own well-being. It’s choosing to rest when you’re tired, to nourish yourself with care, to prioritise your mental health as much as your to-do list. Let this be a reminder that you deserve the same energy and dedication you give to the world. Now, go forward with the strength to love yourself fully and fiercely.

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